FGF: It's ok to Let them go
Hey Team FITLV!
Happy Feel GOOD Friday and the LAST day of September?! Anyone else feel like it is still June? I feel like I blinked and we are full speed ahead into fall....Which is good because we are days out from kicking off the Fall into Fitness Challenge!!! EEEEK!!! I am excited for this one, even got my husband to join! While he has always worked out, ate well, and had personal goals- he had never OFFICIALLY joined in one of my programs or challenges as a paying member. Having a supportive spouse in this way not only shows he is ALL IN on himself, but in supporting me as well. Today's #FGF is going to dive into the support we get, or don't get from those we surround ourselves with.
Who are your people?
A week ago, you heard me talk about setting goals and raising your standards. These can't just be your standards, but the standards of those around you as well. Take for instance our household, I have certain standards for how I want our household kept. No dishes left in the sink before we go to bed, counter tops picked up, shoes put away, beds made in the morning, etc. If my husband did not have the same standards as me, I might possibly lose my mind. I would constantly be doing the work of two people and eventually resent him for having lower standards(I like a clean house).
While everyone may not begin with the same standards, the desire to get better and raise personal standards to align, needs to exist.
If you were going to apply this to fitness, say your new standard includes a daily workout or bare minimum movement, ideally this is the same standard for the 5 people you spend the most time with. Now imagine you're on vacation with these five people, everyone wants to sleep in and start day drinking first thing in the morning. It is going to require a lot more willpower to get out and go for that run when no one in your circle has the same standard as you. Now imagine you have aligned yourself with other people who have similar goals and standards. You are on that same vacation, everyone meets up early in the morning for a beach workout to start the day. You practice a little gratitude, get in a good sweat, and kick ass the rest of the dat. No resentment, no annoyance, no letting your goals down for the happiness of others. All because you have aligned yourself with other high performers like your self.
Audit your peeps!
So now it is time to do a little reflection. Who do you spend the most time with? Picture your best friend, your spouse or significant other, co-workers you spend time with outside of work, in laws, etc. Now audit them.
-What do they talk about? Do they gossip a lot or speak kindness? Are they focused on the past or the future? Are they positive thinkers or negative nellies? How to they speak about the other people in their life?
-What to they consume? Do they consume books, podcasts, social media, the news, pornography? Is it stuff that will add value to their life or is it a distraction FROM their life?
-What do they do in their spare time? Do they have hobbies? Exercise? Give back to the community?
-What are their vices? Drugs, alcohol, food?
-What are their goals? Do you guys talk about the future? 1 year, 5 year, 10 year goals?
-Who are the other 4 people they spend the most time with? Take a look at their other people too. If we are looking at our spouse or SO. Who is their best friend? Have you ever known someone that couldn't stand their spouses best friend? That usually doesn't go over so well in the long run.
So now that you have analyzed your people through and through, how do you feel? Are they aligned with your standards or not so much? Take it a step further....
Are you supported or sabotaged?
You've just told your closest friends that you've signed up for the 8 Week Challenge, and in the back of your mind you know you have a brunch with them coming up. Fast forward to the brunch, do they: 1. Encourage you to order the chicken and waffles with bottomless mimosas anyways, "come on live a little!!!!" or 2. Support your decision to order water and the healthier option on the menu, sans heckling? The company you keep when you are leveling up can make or break your success. So how do you move forward?
➡️Communicate: We can't expect those in our life to be mind readers. Communicate what direction you are heading in your life. Your shifting standards, nutrition choices, exercise preferences, all the things. Let them know what supporting you could look like! This could be them NOT heckling you, NOT suggesting pizza for dinner, NOT bringing donuts home every friday morning. Maybe foodie things you used to enjoy, no longer serve you anymore, but they don't know it. Some people try and show love through gifts and food, that is great!! Just let them know what kind of food makes you feel MOST loved right now.
➡️Create Space: It's okay to put some distance between you and your people while you grow. You don't owe anyone an explanation for bettering yourself. Creating space could be setting boundaries for how often you answer the phone to hear your friend complain about their spouse. Creating space could be practicing your, "no" for get togethers that will keep you up late or participating in things that no longer serve you. The beautiful thing is that YOU get to decide what boundaries you set.
➡️Get in the room: If you feel like your friend circle could use some refreshing, this is a good thing! We aren't meant to stay stagnant in life. If your people aren't growing with you, you will eventually grow apart. If your not happy with the support in your life, who are the people you WISH you were having lunch and brunch with? Who are the people with high standards, doing big things for their community, in relationships you admire, showing up for themselves and those around them in big ways? How do you position yourself to be in the same room as them? To strike up a conversation? I have talked to many adults that say, "I'm too old for new friends, I am good." I can promise you- that mindset will prevent growth. I have (literally) put myself in the room with some of the people I look up to the most in life, enough times to where I have them in the contacts in my phone now. Sometimes you have to pay to get in the room, sometimes you just have to keep showing up and make a big enough impact on your own. Stand out for your awesomeness and get in the room!
Permission to let go✨
People enter our lives for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. You get to decide who falls into what category, not them, YOU. This is the hardest for people to wrap their minds around and that's not a bad thing! But it can be a bad thing to hold on to people who no longer serve you. You get one life. You have one circle and the people in that main circle will impact you. "To succeed in life, your peer group standards must align with your own.... Proximity to people causes familiarity, and our brains move towards familiarity. "
So this is me giving you permission to raise your standards, audit your circle, set boundaries, and let go of any people or things that no longer serve you.
Onward and upward my friends. You deserve the best!
As always, thanks for being here. Thanks for giving me a platform to share my thoughts each week and encouraging me to do so. I appreciate YOU! If you enjoyed this email, please send me a note back. I love connecting with you all!
P.S If you aren't yet a member of our Facebook Community- Please Join Us!