“Unexpressed emotion will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth in uglier ways. “
When I read this quote I visualize a big rug in the center of my living room. My emotions are the dust and dirt. I have a choice, do I sweep them under the rug and know they're buried under there or do I face them?
I stopped "sweeping" my emotions under my figurative rug a few years ago when I really began working on my emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
When you are faced with stress or conflict, how do you handle it? Do you sweep or do you face them?
"The emotions you fill your HOME with determine your REALITY. “
Think about what emotions fill you day to day. Are you constantly anxious, overwhelmed, or upset? Maybe you are noticing the opposite, feeling more at peace and happy throughout the day. Do you take time to do a self assessment on your emotions?
Whichever emotions are most common for you, are going to determine your reality.
We need a flow of different emotions, they all serve a purpose, and we can learn a lot about ourselves through the perceived “negative” emotions.
Living in constant happy fairy-tail land 🧚🏻♀️is not the goal here.
Reflection time: I want you to self assess and determine which set of emotions are MOST prevalent in your life.
Do you have balance in "positive" and "negative" emotions or are you emotionally lopsided.
Do you consider your emotions day to day and notice the triggers for you?
Do you communicate your emotions to yourself via journal or to others, friend, spouse, therapist?
It can feel very unstable to not have a grip emotionally. I think about my children and their tantrums. I know this is largely due to them not yet having the capacity to communicate and understand big feelings.
Now think of an adult who is throwing a similar fit. They have lost control of their emotions, they have the capacity but they aren't present in their feelings. Maybe they didn't feel them creeping up or maybe they swept them under their "rug."
When you can begin to identify your emotions, they begin to lose their grip on you and YOU gain control.
Having control over your emotions means you will no longer be sitting around waiting around to be happy. You won't rely on others to make you feel a certain way because you are in tune with YOU. You know what emotions fill your "house" and are in control of cleaning that house.
Think about a time when you thought, “When I achieve “X” I will finally be happy. When I obtain “Y” I will finally be fulfilled.” Were you actually happy and fulfilled, really? Maybe from a surface level, but the happiness achieved from external factors lose their luster quite quickly.
The external will never truly provide the internal. It’s actually quite the opposite!
Decide what emotions you want to feel- that will bring the outcome.
💯Today’s mission: self assess your emotions.
What are the 5 emotions most common in your life?
😃1- Happiness, bliss, love, peace, passion?
🤬2-Anger, sorrow, depression, hate, anxiety?
If you are noticing more "negative" emotions in your main 5 than you prefer, what sort of things can you begin implementing to shift the leading emotions in your life?
How can you reframe the "negative" emotions and get better because of them? Huh?
Take for instance anxiety/overwhelm. Can you use this as an opportunity to declutter your schedule? Maybe you have too much on your plate. This is your sign to practice saying "NO" more. Your emotions are letting you know you are doing too much!
Take envy/jealousy. Maybe you are constantly wishing you had a different career, body, relationship. You are caught in the comparison trap and it's eating away at you. Take that envy and instead look at it as a sign that whatever someone else has achieved- YOU CAN TOO.
Know that like all things, you have to get your reps in. Reframing the way we view emotions or rewiring ourselves to face emotions versus sweep them takes practice. Ed Mylett says, "We are conditioned to return to our emotional home even if those emotions don’t serve us." Your mind seeks out what’s familiar.
📝If you didn't comment on my IG post yesterday and are comfortable sharing, I would love it if you responded back with your 5. This conversations bring up a lot of genuine connection.